It can happen to anyone - Anonymous
I have experienced depression and suicidality on and off for 15 years. I have been told it is linked to post traumatic stress. I had seen or had 10 people close to me die over 5 years. Car and motorbike accidents, heart problems and cancer.
I work with people for a job so I people assume that I should be okay because of what I do and know for a job. But I do what I do for a job because of what I know. Suicide doesn't discriminate. There is no typical person who is affected and don't ever fool yourself into believing there is.
I have danced with medication and therapy for many years. I have resolved that I may or may not continue to do this for life, and if that's how it is then that's ok with me because I know how the dark side feels and when I am in the light I appreciate how it feels to be well and I can see what devastation doing this might leave. That doesn't make it easy though. It creeps up on me sometimes, or hits me over the head like a baseball bat. I have moments, when life's ok and then suddenly something stupid happens and I am in the shopping centre car park crying my eyes out.
My advice (and feel free to ignore this because I know everyone always wants to tell you what to do) is find professionals who you trust and who you agree with. Just because they have a degree doesn't make them a good fit or skilled in the area. If you don't like what they have to say, find someone else. Seriously consider counselling. Think about and talk to your GP about whether medication would be helpful. Think about alternate therapies like yoga or meditation. Start exercising and looking after yourself with good food. Force yourself to do one good thing everyday - even if it is only having a bubble bath. Small things add up and can help to think differently about life. Stay away from toxic or negative people when you're unwell. You don't need to be burdened by anyone else, you have enough load to carry for the time being.
Please always remember, nothing is static, life is always changing and what might be a battle today can lay the foundation for great change in your life. You learn things about yourself and build skills with every challenge. It will only make you a better person in the end! You may need to build a bit of support around yourself to endure the storm and that's ok. But the dark clouds can and will disappear.